Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
