Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
