i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
