he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
