On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
