bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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