Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
