is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
