i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
