So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
