Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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