Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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