I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
