dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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