It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
