You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize