I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i think i just lost a toe
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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