That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
