"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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