woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
