you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
