im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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