I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
