I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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