every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
