Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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