I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
