You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
