me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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