I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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