I need help removing her.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
