you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
