i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
