Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
