my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
