sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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