I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
