What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
