you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Do you remember whose house we're in?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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