whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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