My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
