I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
