8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
