Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
