I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
