the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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