I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
