Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
