I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
