YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
