Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
