I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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