You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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