apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
