Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
