do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
