Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
