what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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