it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
