dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
