Where are you?
In a non slutty way
My sheets look like a crime scene.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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