hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she told me i tasted like america
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
