I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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