Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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