Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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