If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
