ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
