I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
